How are you pulling this off? I only came over because the whole family is obsessed with Christmas. Did you know your chimney is full of dead birds? We don't have any catchy songs, or Santa, or anything. I guess I always mix him up with Ricky Martin. I hope you can all respect that. Not when it's turned into Shmanta rolling blunts with pages of the Torah. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've all been waiting for.
I told you Santa was dead. Now that Santa is dead, we can finally celebrate Christmas again. You have to help me take down your uncle. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made you out of clay Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I don't know how to play Putzes, futzes, schmutzes All are Jewish words Schwimmer, Sandler, Spielberg All are Jewish nerds So why do you need Christmas When you have Hanukkah? So how do I become Jewish? You have your suit now, Santa. Are you shushing me because you want me to be quiet, or because you don't know? You ever feel that way? That's one more than Christmas. You got to see it. You got see me rock this dance.
The book says we can activate golems by highlighting letters of the Hebrew alphabet and reciting the 10 Sefirot. I'm going to show everyone. What the hell, I'm going to try it on. Maybe Santa just needs his suit back. Why didn't you let them in? I'm going to get Santa's body from the North Pole. Don't drink my drink while I'm gone.
I'm putting us on the map. I'm Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage a Jewish music legend, Enrique Iglesias! Who else has a surprise up their sleeve? Welcome to the South Pole. Oh, he has a disgusting point. Well, even though this may not be the best Christmas, at least we're all together, or whatever.
This is a tough time of the year for us. That's what I'm going to do. We need to go to Miami to get that suit from Roger, and, maybe after, we can take birthday shots for Jesus on the crystal dance floor at Club Bardot. Uh, we can't fly without Hanukkah magic. Sometimes we forget Roger is a straight-up monster.
What the hell is with all these weird stars?! Well, you told us to keep them out. That my Menorah isn't welcome here? Roger, what are you doing? Your Uncle Roger only got his Hanukkah powers after putting on that Santa suit. Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle Thank God Santa is finally dead. This is going to be fun. During Hanukkah, you get eight days of presents instead of one.
Are there, or have there ever been, other tough times for Jewish people? That's better than what other people in there. That's the one thing every kid knows about me. There really is a Santa. It's half twerking, half motorboating, 100% sexuality. Maybe we should light the menorah. I'm never giving up being Shmanta! I just want my boring Hanukkah again.
Jingle bells, I'm unwell Watching others play They have fun, but I am bummed 'Cause Santa skips my place Crashing through the mall 'Cause I'm driving while I'm baked But I don't care at all I was crying the whole way Ha-ha-ha. All Hanukkah needs is a Santa. Hey, they lifted that line from the Bible. Put out some feelers to David. Roger, we have nothing against Hanukkah, but we celebrate Christmas. They'll definitely want a piece of me now that I'm bigger than Jesus.